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Alyssa Limperis

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They say there are lots of fish in the sea but I'm like where's the sea

October 9, 2015

also i cant swim and am a vegetarian 

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Stand up comedy pays my bills!! I live in my parents home, eat their food & am on their Verizon family plan

October 9, 2015

I'VE REALLY MADE IT

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"We still have three guacamoles" -someone in my family describing avocados

October 9, 2015
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"I didn't recognize you in a different shirt" - barista at the coffee shop I go to every day

October 9, 2015

one gallon of coffee, black, please

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Would love to start a journal entry without "god damn it"

October 8, 2015
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People keep sending me good vibes and I don't know what I'm supposed to do with them

October 8, 2015

Do I have to keep them refrigerated?

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My 10 year plan: turn 35

October 8, 2015
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You know when you forget to charge your phone & you wake up to go the whole day with 9% battery? That's how I feel as an adult

October 8, 2015

do u have a charger?

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